How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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