I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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