a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
