All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize