I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
