I wish my penis had an off switch
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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