the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
