I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
a search helicopter?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
