My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I color on your dick again?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize