The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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