Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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