im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
