Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
