I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
