the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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