Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
