dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
