Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
