oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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