I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize