Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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