Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
