this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize