So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
