I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
