On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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