i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
