I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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