I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
