I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Found your dick twin last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
