If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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