they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize