he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
