I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
