Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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