It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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