I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
