Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
third nipple confirmed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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