I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
