I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
