ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
