I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize