Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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