honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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