so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
