whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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