Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
