how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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