How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
