He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
