Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
