Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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