Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
