I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My life is pants optional.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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