i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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