She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
