so that wasnt chicken after all
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
