my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
