I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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