I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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