Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
