Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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