Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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