someone threw a dead crab at me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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