Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
