ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize