mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
