I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
