It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
