I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
