Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
