Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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