Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
