I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
