I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
