so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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