just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
