So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love you. Go after that dick
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize