yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize