we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
