i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
