just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
