I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Randomize
