Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
