After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize