No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
