4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
why is half of my head shaved?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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