i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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