I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You made out with two different species that night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
