i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
