I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
