I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
