Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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